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» Coping strategies » blind sided
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spab
Newbie
Posts: 3
Registered: 07-02-2010 Location:
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posted on 07-02-2010 at 08:46 |
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blind sided
At work on a slow day just felt the need to vent...
Three weeks ago my wife tells me she's unhappy and thinking divorce is a possibility. To say I was caught off guard is an understatement, I was speechless. We don't fight life seemed to be going alright, maybe I'm not as affectionate as I could be towards her but after eight years together you fall into auto pilot. We talk I say I'll pay attention more to the little things, for about a week things look like they are ok. The past two weeks it has gone downhill, still not fighting but being with someone that clearly doesn't want to be with you anymore is just shitty. Running the gambit of emotions here, from mad, sad to acceptance...found myself looking around the house at the stuff I want this weekend...lol...ah fuck.
I'm sure I'm not blameless in this mess, but she says this has been going on for about a year now and has never brought it up because it was hard. Jesus now I'm paying for her not wanting to hurt my feelings or make me feel uncomfortable by losing my marriage, my life, and not sure at what level my kids. How can I not be mad when I felt nothing was wrong and clearly she felt the opposite? I've got us signed up for counseling and she has agreed but the lack of enthusiasm, or lack of interest in her voice doesn't fill me with optimism. It hasn't even been a month yet so to say it's over might be a bit early, but sure feels like she's checked out.
We have two young kids, 3.5 and 1.5 and the idea of someone else fathering my kids just does not sit well with me on any level. I don't want to lose my wife but if I'm 100% honest the idea of someone else "assisting" with the fathering of my kids kills me.
Oddly enough my parents got divorced when my brother and I were almost the exact same age. So I know what living with divorced parents is like and it's just a pain in the ass for the kids. Seems like every time you have to visit the one parent there is some event you have to miss and you start to hate going to visit that parent...at least that's the way I remember it being for us, as our Dad lived in another city.
That's my vent...done.
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Link_29
Member
Posts: 39
Registered: 01-08-2010 Location:
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posted on 07-13-2010 at 11:24 |
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Sorry to hear it...
Hi, I'm sorry to hear about your situation because it always seems to hurt people the most when they find out about something that has existed for a long time. For your wife to keep those feelings inside is not a healthy approach, but you should be glad she told you now instead of waiting. Many people wait years and years, often staying in relationships they really don't want to be in.
I think getting involved in counseling would be a good idea, really because there are children involved. If there weren't, I would still say it is a good idea, but making sure the children are well taken care of mentally as well is really important.
Check out this article about marriage problems and be sure to keep open communication between you and your wife so that her feelings don't stay hidden again. Hopefully she will realize that being open to counseling instead of shutting down is a good way to understand what's going on in your lives and figure out ways to make it better. Good luck.
http://www.1st-divorce.com/divorce/marriage-problems.html
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Arcebee
Newbie
Posts: 3
Registered: 06-08-2010 Location:
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posted on 07-15-2010 at 09:47 |
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I know how you feel
I know exactly how you feel. I caught my wife for 13 years having an internet affair. At first she wanted to "save" our marriage and then did a 180 and wanted out and wanted nothing to do with me. At the time I had been unemployed for almost 10 months and I went into depression. My wife thought that I was a burden since she was the only one working. Prior to me being unemployed I was making close to $60k/ year.
And she decided that she was done supporting me and started having an internet affair (for 3 or 4 months) with an old boyfriend from high school that she found on Facebook. He went to see him to "hook up" but he backed out since during the affair, his wife was pregnant with their first child and the guy grew a conscience.
This whole thing caught me by surprise since just two days before me and her were planning to go away for a weekend and leave our cellphones and laptops at home and take the kid to my brother's. And then all of a sudden she wants out.
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Link_29
Member
Posts: 39
Registered: 01-08-2010 Location:
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posted on 08-19-2010 at 11:38 |
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sorry to hear it
'I know exactly how you feel. I caught my wife for 13 years having an internet affair. At first she wanted to "save" our marriage and then did a 180 and wanted out and wanted nothing to do with me. At the time I had been unemployed for almost 10 months and I went into depression. My wife thought that I was a burden since she was the only one working. Prior to me being unemployed I was making close to $60k/ year.
...........
It really is shocking when you think everything is going all right and then all of a sudden you are blindsided with deception. I'm sorry to hear you had to go through that
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new_slang
Member
Posts: 26
Registered: 01-04-2010 Location:
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