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» losing my virginity » Virgin guy 23, sick and lonley
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christian90z
Newbie
Posts: 3
Registered: 08-06-2012 Location:
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posted on 08-09-2012 at 11:31 |
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Virgin guy 23, sick and lonley
Let's start from the beginning, I'm a 23 year old virgin living in a small town in the UK. As a kid I was really really fat, and at the age of 18 I was diagnosed with diabetes. This made me change my lifestyle quite drastically, I had to change my diet and I have to eat regularly on the hour. I also started to workout, either going to the gym, jogging or swimming. I'm not the fittest guy in the world and I don't have a six-pack but I'm not the fat kid anynore and I know logically that I'm atleast decent looking. But I still have problems looking in the mirror since all I see is that ugly fat guy I used to be.
When I was 19 I went to a party with a couple of friends where I meet a girl. We had alot of fun talking and I could tell she was intrestead in me. We decided to leave the party and go skinny dipping at the beach, I was really nervouse about it since I'm not what you would call well endowed (5.5 inches). But on our way to the beach she gave me my first kiss and we stopped several times to make out, and I felt like I started to lose control over what I was doing. The thing is she was kind of drunk, (not falling over drunk but definatly not sober) I on the other hand because of my diabetes can't drink alcohol anymore. Before we started skinny dipping I asked her if she wanted to stop since she had been drinking and I was sober, she answerd me by taking of all her clothes and after that my brain wouldn't let my resist. I still feel guilty about it because some part of me feel like I took advantage of her, but I couldn't helpmyself. I had never been so happy in my life, kissing a girl that was sitting naked on my lap while in the water. Because her and my friend was with us we didn't go all the way, but I didn't care. I tried contacting her a couple of days later and then she told me it was a nice evening but she didn't want to meet me. She also told me the reason was that I wasn't a good kisser and that she didn't want to teach me, when I told her she was my first kiss. Have u ever felt guilty for hooking up with or kissing a drunk girl when u where sober?
That really didn't help my confidence and to make matters worse I had developed a chronic condition called prostatitis which basically means almost every time I pee it feels like I'm peeing acid. And after an orgasm there is a 50/50 chance I will experience extreme pain. All this had made me really shy, and then I started my last year of high school. I actually got a couple of girl friends and I started to fall for a girl in my class. We could talk for hours everyday, but she had a boyfriend so I didn't want to cross that line. When see broke up with him I wanted to tell her how I felt but I was to late, after a month she started to date a good friend of mine. The rest of the school year went by with the love of my life beeing too far away. At the end of the school year I couldn't take it anymore, I told her how I felt. I said I didn't expect anything I just had to tell her, she was the first girl I had ever loved. Let's just say that not only didn't she respond to my feelings, but I lost one of the best friends I've ever had. That really made me feel guilty, and the thought of ever telling a girl how I feel really scares me.
I've always been kind of a nerdy guy, playing video games and reading comics etc. And it's really clear if u come to my home that I'm a nerd. I'm almost like lenoard from the big bang theory expect I'm not that smart. So if I ever get a girlfriend there are somethings about me she is just going to have to accept. But because of all of my other problems, I just wouldn't feel right about subjecting someone to the pain I have to live with everyday. There has been other girls and even some grown women that has come on to me, but I've been to scared about my kissing, beeing a virgin I know I'm going to suck, because of my size, the chance of pain, and I will probably not last long. And beeing a virgin for so long I don't feel like it would be right to lose it to some random drunk girl. I'm not saving myself for marrige or anything like that, but I would like to atleast have known the girl for more then five seconds. I recently met a gir that I thought could be perfect for me, we went out for a couple of times on what I thought were dates, but a couple of days ago she changed her facebook status to in a releationship with a guy I know.
What kind of tips do u have for a guy like me to actually get a girlfriend?, a part of my feel like I don't deserve it, but I'm tired of beeing misrable, I want to be happy. I might get to a point where I will get desparet enough to just hook up with some random girl and pretend she cares about me but I'm not there yet. My birthday is coming up soon though and beeing without psyhical contact for so long is starting to get really hard. I just want a girl to share my life with, cuddle up in bed, and telling me she loves me. I had a dream about this recent girl last night and I woke up crying like a baby, it felt so good for a second to believe that someone was holding me and caring about me. I've actually considerd going to a prostitute, not for sex, but just laying on a bed and holding eachother. Should I just find some random girl to "train" with? So that I'm ready if I ever find someone that can love a guy like me. Cause honestly sex scares me, but I don't want to be bad if I find the right girl.
Sorry for potential bad grammar, I'm on pain meds atm.
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